Kill yourself

Peak of Nuvigil, always a bit of anxiety. It helps so much most of the day, but is brutal for a brief period.

I am still good. Better than I have been in a years. Yet these dips into semi-hell, nothing like my lows before, but the lows still suck.

I want to kill myself. I want to die. I want to place that gun in my mouth and —

No. I don’t.

Kill yourself

9 thoughts on “Kill yourself

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    I completely understand these feelings. I go from blah to I want to take all of my sleeping pills and drive into a lake in a matter of minutes. I understand the not really wanting to combined with the vivid thoughts. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get these lulls, especially when meds of any kind are involved. I went from being on nearly 12 different medications (including Nuvigil and hydrocodone, to name a few) for 7+yrs to getting a corrected diagnosis and going thru the hell of weaning off meds that I never really needed in the first place. Misdiagnosed w/mitochondrial myopathy; rediagnosed w/a benign brain tumor & fibromyalgia+rheumatoid arthritis. 2+yrs post-misdiagnosis? I’m alert, ALIVE and managing each day with a finely tuned schedule. It’s the lulls that create the lulls in our psyche; of that I’m sure. If I can’t focus, I’ll simply sit down and color-I’m not kidding. It’s the only way I seem to be able to achieve some level of meditation and relaxation. Before? Booze, drugs and pills “fuct the pain away,” both mentally and physically. But, never again. Having purpose, even as small as writing a letter to a stranger or coloring a book 📚 of DIY-postcards is enough to redirect my mind. And I’m content.
    May the Gods grant you the perception to find new pathways to peace, friend. Luv💞 & Light✨, Friend.!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s