I started this while crying…

I’m sitting in my living room singing to myself. It has been a rough day. 

Dan is working late tonight. I haven’t really talked to anyone today. I think that is part of why I am still sad right now. 

I’ve been singing to myself, yeah, like a crazy person. Not sure if it has been helping, but it might keep me a bit in the moment.

“The day was long, long, long, It was hard, hard, hard, but you were strong, strong, strong.”

It’s true. I had a positive work review, made myself eat lunch with people instead of by myself and did it all with a persistent level of anxiety.

I think the anxiety came from taking my Nuvigil close together. The day started off rough, I just seemed down. I take half of my Nuvigil when I get up, 125mg, and the rest near lunch. Instead, I took another fourth an hour into my day and the rest two hours later. 

However, I ended up being anxious all day. I’m pretty sure it was due to the amount I took so close together. The coat of anxiety was very similar to what Adderall started doing to me after I’d abused it for a while.

I’ve stopped crying while writing this. I am proud of myself. It was a fucking awful day. And I didn’t do fine, I rocked it. I fully functioned, impressed my boss and had the courage to be a little social.

Tomorrow, yeah I’m still a bit worried. It can’t be worse though, well, I hope not.

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I started this while crying…

9 thoughts on “I started this while crying…

  1. This is the first time I’ve found you and read about your day. I feel for you. Over the last few months my anxiety got so bad that I couldn’t go to the grocery store on my own. Some days I couldn’t speak complete sentences without having a choking studder. It has been getting better. Don’t give up the fight. You’ll have better days. I have. I don’t know what Nuvigil is, but if it’s like my meds it’s important to take them as perscribed. Be careful.

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  2. One thing I’ve learned dealing with all my illness and anxiety is that you really have to take every little tiny win you can get and give yourself credit, because some days just seem bleak and unbearable. It’s awesome that despite your sadness and anxiety and tears, you can still say you rocked your day. Keep going. As my friend always used to tell me, you are stronger than you think, braver than you believe.

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