Bad, suicide, fine, good repeat

My days are very predictable. Nuvigil has provided the best quality of life since quitting Adderall. Seroquel eliminates the constant state of minor panic, Nuvigil fights the letheragy of the depression and the tiredness Seroquel caused.

It is far from ideal. As shown below my mood bounces around. The lows are less hopeless because I know they’ll fade in a few hours. Nuvigil also provides more stability than Vyvanse did, both the high and lows were more severe.

At least life has been getting better one mediocre day at a time.

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Bad, suicide, fine, good repeat

3 thoughts on “Bad, suicide, fine, good repeat

  1. Trevor Benjamin says:

    I used to take Zoloft, Seroquel and Lamictal, and felt the combination turned me into a zombie, thus quitting all of them. I definitely have really bad days, and August was an absolute spiral of life-threatening behavior, but (personally) I still prefer it to the pills. Seroquel, alone, freaked me out by how much it would knock me on my ass. Do you not get knocked out by Seroquel? The first time I took it I slept for 18 hours; the second time for 13 hours, and both times I was groggy & confused.

    I’m not going to be as trite as “Hang in there”, but I know you know that you are not alone in the struggle.

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  2. Sometimes one day at a time is all you need, and that’s okay. Sometimes thinking about forever is totally overwhelming, but thinking about tomorrow isn’t quite as scary. You can do this.

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  3. Do you find it therapeutic to track your moods? I do, and when I remember I track my physical symptoms too. I think part of that is my OCD but at least mood tracking sort of validates what I’m feeling (or not feeling, as it were).

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