Right now I feel guilty. My morning has started off slow.
I woke up late, 9am, and have done nothing. I watched some TV and played video games for several hours. I often do this on weekends while waiting for Nuvigil to kick in.
My psychiatrist has me taking half a pill of Nuvigil in the morning and half in the afternoon. After a few hours and still feeling like Nuvigil hadn’t kicked in I took a fourth a pill, meaning I have about 190mg in my system.
I often wonder if I am enjoying something or simply passing time. TV, video games, I think I enjoy. But this morning felt more like passing time. Relaxing, yeah, but not sure about it being more than that, not sure about enjoyment.
Guilt, I always feel guilty. Having done nothing all morning is unfortunate. I expect myself to be more productive with my time, I’m always a disappointment. Honestly, there isn’t really much I need to do, house is clean, worked out, did some budgetting yesterday, but still guilty.
Finally I made myself get up and on the computer. I figured I’d find something to do slightly less guilt inducing. Hopefully blogging counts.
But guilt? I am always guilty. There is always something better to do. This isn’t something I only believe for myself, I believe it for mankind. I am never enough. You are never enough.
Current Medication: Nuvigil 250mg (125mg at 7am, 125mg at 1pm), Memantine 10mg (new), Lamictal 200mg, Pristiq 100mg, Trazadone 100mg, Strattera 80mg, Seroquel XR 300