Is it suicide if you are already dead?

I should blog. I have had a few medication changes and my mood is varying more. 

Right now? I give zero fucks. It is all the same, whine, whine, poor sad little me. 

God. I wish I was little, I have gained so much more weight because of Seroquel, yet I am back on it. Having tappered off of it over the last few weeks my mood plummeted. I was getting off work and going right home, sometimes go drink, always heading right for the couch.

Sigh. I want to be present, in the moment, alive. 

Is it suicide if your already dead inside?

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Is it suicide if you are already dead?

5 thoughts on “Is it suicide if you are already dead?

  1. well, now that´s a interesting question!!! That may be the most depressing thing I have heard in a while….and you’re just waiting for your physical body to die as well, I guess. (⌣̩̩́_⌣̩̩̀)

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  2. If you were already dead you wouldn’t be asking questions you have the answers to. I have an answer you won’t like. Get another Doctor. I asked my Psychiatrist what I would be like on a medication combo like yours. He raised his eyebrows then said “Not good”. I started presenting with signs of illness at 12/13 years of age and it took until I was 36 to get a diagnosis. I don’t want to see anyone suffer longer than they have to.

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  3. Like Aniyu said, it is a terribly depressing question. When I was homeless, I used to look at other homeless people sleeping under benches and in doorways and envy them. They’d surrendered and were just waiting to die (at least that’s the way I saw it.) I never had the energy for suicide, I just wanted to curl up and be gone. Today, I’m so removed from that life and am happy I’m still around.

    I’m with you on the weight gain thing. Fucking hate it.

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  4. thing 3, thing 4 says:

    Dead inside makes suicide seem pointless and redundant, does it not? I’m climbing out of that hole one desperate, guilt-ridden, reluctant clutch at a time. You most certainly aren’t alone.

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