Are you suicidal?

Are you suicidal? Are you? No?

You feel sad. Are you sad? Is that anxiety. Oh no, god no. Not anxiety, it comes from nowhere. Maybe that is normal stress.

Are you anxious? Please, stop thinking that.

It is so hard to stop thinking that. But you can.

Or not. Death would be nice.

Maybe you should kill yourself.

No! You know that isn’t true.


Depression is exhausting. It has been a bad few weeks since tappering off Seroquel. I gained so much weight on it. I’ve stayed the same weight since fifteen. Not any more, I gained 40lbs in roughly three months. Even though we knew Seroquel helped tremendously, I wanted to try something new.

I’m on Abilify now. Hopefully it starts working in the next few weeks. If not, I’m absolutely going back to Seroquel. Sigh. If I do, I won’t die from this depression. I’ll die from being a fat fat fat gross fuck.


Current Medication: Nuvigil 250mg, Lamictal 200mg, Pristiq 100mg, Abilify 10mg, Trazadone 50mg, Strattera 80mg

Are you suicidal?

8 thoughts on “Are you suicidal?

  1. these pills (Abilify) are not fattening. I have not gained weight from it not other people I know took it. but… let´s skip the meds and stir things up a lil bit.. ahahahaha, just joking. man.. I feel like crap too…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am on a abilify 20mg too having been on seroquel. I think I am somewhat better but my heart hurts too and think what are unthinkable to so many people. And they wonder why I won’t talk about how I feel. I wonder…!!
    I do like your writing.


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