You are worthless

Today has been an alright day. And yet, I’m a fucking wreck. Fuck.

Honestly, I’ve been looking forward to today. There was a work happy hour I was invited to, I rarely get invited to social events, I just accompany Dan to his. And Thursday is also the day we meet a group of Dan’s friends to watch our favorite TV show at a bar, also something I look forward to. 

Yet, life is still pointless. I’m out being social, I’m fine I guess. But life is still pointless. And I am still worthless. And so are you.

There are more stars in the galaxy than can be counted. You are nothing. You do nothing. A hundred years after you die nobody will remember or care about your existence. You are just entertaining yourself until death.

You invent worth. You create meaning. You might even build yourself a god. People do that because we can’t face the facts.

You are worthless.

Current Medication: Nuvigil 200mg, Lamictal 200mg, Pristiq 100mg, Seroquel XR 100mg, Trazadone 50mg, Strattera 80mg

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You are worthless

16 thoughts on “You are worthless

  1. Thank you for visiting and liking my blog, it means a lot to me. I wish I could help you. You sound so unhappy and without purpose or direction. Feel free to message me anytime. (((hugs)))

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  2. You are not worthless and neither am I. I often feel small and insignificant within the greater realm of the world and my own small life. But I’m learning to consider myself as valuable and to treat myself as something valuable. Its not easy. Its hard, daily work. I do hope one day you too will change your mind and think more kindly of yourself. Because you have great value – just ask the people around you in the real world, around here, your followers. I think you’re wonderful and I look forward to your posts. You might not see it right now, but you are most certainly worth a great deal. And remember – our worth may shine in moments we are unaware of??

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  3. I keep this on my desk in front of me… I don’t remember where I saw it, probably some dumb meme on The Book of Face, but it helps me in darker moments, when the anxiety/depression nail me… “You are beloved of the universe. You are as beautiful as the sunrise and as ancient as the stars. You are a spark of divine love in human form. Through you, goodness and light flow into this world. Feel the blessing.”

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  4. I agree with you sometimes life does suck. It seem worthless. I hope you can find something that you do geniuely enjoy doing. I always look forward to your posts, so that I can follow your progress. Each day is a trek, some easier than others, but keep trying. I find it hard to be persistent, and there are days that I give up. You’re going through a lot right now, and please gentle with yourself. Don’t let the darkness of your illness get the better of you, don’t let it win. I’ll keep you in my prayers 🙂

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  5. If you want to look at life this way then yes, it is a sad reality. But can’t you change it? Can’t we change it? Can’t we give our lives some purpose? Even if my only purpose to to raise my son to not grow up to be a butthole, then I have served some sort of purpose. Maybe I am a waste of resource, who knows, but as you said, in 100 years, no will care, except maybe whoever my son fathers.

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  6. Hi friend
    The number of meds you take are close to the number I take. Are any of the meds new? I ask because if one or more is not working, your doctor needs to change dose or meds to help your mental state. It took a long time to get the right mix but I’m so glad I did. Just thoughts from my own experience.
    Thank you for dropping by my blog and following me, I’m following you as well. I don’t write as much about my mental illness but there are loads in the archives.
    Hang on and get your doctor/doctors to work harder.
    Have a great week.
    🙂
    M

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  7. Hi. I certainly feel for you. I can’t take anything due to side effects and addictive tendencies. Its good that you blog. Not just for an outlet but as a journal. Does your psych know you blog? If not then tell them! They can monitor things and gives an insight into your daily especially with your meds! I had a friend who was on pretty much same stuff but clonopine too. She decided to go to a party drank alot took alot of other stuff and overdosed! I don’t think she was depressed. If she was she did a good job of hiding it. She was going to see her boys for their yearly month vacation with her mom. She seemed happy I had thought but one never knows. I am saying this because I too can relate in so many ways. Sometimes i pray for death. Scream as loud as i can inside my little head at god asking him why am I here? What the hell is my puropse? Why did you let me survive death? I get soooo damn angry. I have no one who understands! No one to talk to. No doctor no meds nothing just my daily hell of my life! It sucks! I can angry when people say our choices make our lives. We decided to become an addict. Mental disorders are a cop out or an excuse. That we can’t blame being born poor, bad parents, abuse, bad childhood or addictions for our horrible lives. Well guess what i didn’t ask to be born to be abused physically, mentally, emotionally or sexually! No one does! So that’s my fault that I relive the first fifteen years of my life over and over everyday all day???? I say hell no! I want to believe I matter I really do! Thanks for blogging!

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