The weekend has been nothing. Bad? No. Good? No. Alright? No. I’m just moving through time.
This might be due to running out of Pristiq, my anti-depressant, on Friday. My doctor forgot to put in my refill, even though I called. However, I am not sure, this is also just my mood at times, even on the antidepressants.
However, I’ve been self-medicating, using the lack of antidepressants as an excuse.
I hate excuses.
Weakness. Having some old 30mg Vyvanse, I open a capsule and took about half. It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me more engaged. It makes time pass more quickly.
I shouldn’t be doing this, having abused Adderall in the past. But, I don’t know. I also shouldn’t have to feel like my life is just passing time.
Also, I can use a break. Vyvanse gives me a break from depression. I won’t make a habbit of this. I know that will lead no where. But, I don’t know.
I am already going no where. Guilt, sure. I shouldn’t have taken extra Vyvanse.
But it is nice to feel, well, to feel alive.
Current Medication: Vyvanse 40mg, Lamictal 200mg, Pristiq 100mg, Seroquel XR 200mg, Strattera 80mg