Today I am 

Lying on the couch again, no desire to do anything. No Suprise either. 

Three months of this, sigh. Never thought I’d miss Adderall. It gave me terrible lows, but at least I had highs too.

At least I felt something.

Current Medication: Lamictal 200mg, Effexor XR 37.5mg (tapering), Seroquel XR 600mg, Gabapentin 2700mg so far (prescribed dose is 1200mg, sigh, desperation), Strattera 80mg, Caffeine Pill 1000mg maybe

Today I am 

11 thoughts on “Today I am 

  1. mala says:

    I felt that all last week. It’s a little better at the moment. As for “feeling”… I often wish I could go back to the time when I was blissfully dissociative… tried many times… can’t seem to get there… i’m sorry you are so low right now… it will get better…*hugs*


  2. Modafinil it’s the new adderall. I see you take effexor which is venlafaxine, usualy push you into manic episode, so they put out the adderal and gave you venlafaxine… I am dumb, I dont get it. I used to take effexor but every tine they gave me that pill in a week or so I used to have instant super powers and the last time I wanted to buy $1 million car on ebay, a limusine. (I used to have super powers, the therapyst took the away. Lol)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Effexor does nothing for me. My partner, Dan, believed it caused more rapid of cycles, if anything. I am aware of Provigil, however, my psychiatrist hasn’t brought it up yet, I am assuming because Of my obsessive tendencies, I’d be dependent on it immediately and likely take more the my dose chasing q high. :-/


  3. thanks for the ‘like.’ Can I get a ‘click’ on Alternative Music Article? It’s on bipolar hope and of all the articles I’ve written, they chose this one to change the title. It used to be

    “Bipolar Strong-Fast Cars, Loud Music and Quentin Tarantino.” Oh, well, i’ll live with this one. But you’ll see what I mean.

    Why did you quit the adderal? Did it burn out and stop working?

    Every clickthrough is a breakthrough.


  4. bethany says:

    can i ask what the caffeine pill does for you? i have little to no energy or motivation despite my meds and lots of coffee, so i’m wondering if this might be something i should try.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Frank Moody says:

    Makes me dread my next visit, in the next two weeks. I kind of dread the feeling that my doc’s going to up my dosage again.


  6. Just take things one day at a time. That’s how I get through. It sounds simplistic, but it works. Bear in mind, the essence of life is change, evolution. So by the very nature of life and living, you will not remain in this space. Things will change in time. So hang on tight and break your life down into small chunks that you know you can achieve. I’d put lying on the couch on my “to do list”. That way, you can confidently cross it off at the end of the day 😉


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