I’m feeling a bit better than earlier. I called Dan and told him how my morning was going, asked if he thought it’d be alright for me to call my psychiatrist again.
Calling her is nearly a weekly event, but I just want to be okay. I want to be in a space where I don’t feel the need to call her. I know I am exhausting, I feel bad. But I want to want to do things, anything.
If I looked forward to something, anything, work would be easier. Life would be easier.
Right now I am thinking about not thinking about “it”.
“It” the apathy, helplessness, depresion, my desires to die — it. But I don’t understand how you stop thinking about it. I just think about it more. I abscess.
It never works, thinking about not thinking about it.
Current Medication: Lamictal 200mg, Effexor XR 37.5mg (tapering), Seroquel XR 600mg, Gabapentin 600mg, Strattera 80mg, Caffeine Pill 400mg