I feel fucking awful. Just grinding away at my day, like always.
Ninety precent of the time this is where I am at. We’ve thrown so many damn meds at this, and yet — still here. Fuck. I think this is just my normal. Maybe it is everyone’s normal, it fucking sucks. I tell myself I can do anything, anything on earth, there is fucking nothing I want to do. Nothing. Eating, video games, socializing, jerking off, I just don’t fucking care.
At work I watch the minutes pass by, litterally. I don’t know why. It isn’t like life is worth living when I get off. It still fucking sucks. Every minute is a waste of existence. Fuck.
Dan and I are about to go on a vacation, and I don’t care. I’ll be like this, at work or off, I just don’t want to be alive.
Current Meds: Lamictal 200mg, Effexor XR 37.5mg (tapering), Seroquel XR 600mg, Gabapentin 300 – 600mg, Strattera 80mg (first day, increased from 54mg), Caffeine Pill 400mg