Life is worth it if…

I’m still doing good. I posted a blog an hour ago talking about how Strattera appears to have lifted my mood.

I’ve trying to get as much done as I can since I feel functional. Just paid a bill, I avoid normally due to them triggering anxiety, I bathed, something I have been forgetting to do because of the apathy (gross, I know), purchased a gift for a friend and did some banking stuff I’d been avoiding.

God. I am sitting at my computer again, so fucking cool. Finally, using this brand new computer that has just sat here for two months.

I’m scared though. I am going to lose this person again, he never stays, he is everything I want to be. Certainly I’ll have another depressing post soon, maybe tomorrow, but I also want to acknowledge this person, this man, this also exists within me.

God, please don’t leave. I wish I could wake up this person. I wish I could be this person always, he is someone capable, someone who isn’t always fighting, sometimes just living.

If I can trap him, if I can keep him here, my life would be worth it.

Current Meds: Lamictal 200mg, Effexor XR 75mg, Seroquel XR 600mg, Gabapentin 300 – 600mg, Strattera 36mg morning & 16mg at 4pm, Caffeine Pill 400mg

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Life is worth it if…

4 thoughts on “Life is worth it if…

  1. wow, you have done well today, and achieved a lot – cool. It is great to hear of small steps making a feeling of success. I have these experiences too, and I wish I could be like that all the time, but know it won’t be. You have done great today, though! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope that person sticks around for you too because I know how awesome that used to feel (for me) I miss being manic enough to be my crazy self again. Confident and funny. I’m trying without the meds, but that damn apathy and depression gets me every time. I know accomplishing things no matter how small helps me, until I have someone pointing out how insignificant they are when you’re looking at the big picture (unfortunately for me, that’s my husband). I try to stay positive. It definitely helps knowing that there is someone else out there that is/has been feeling the same things and thinking the same things. I’m so glad I found your blog. Seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, these feelings can be so isolating. Especially since we are predisposition to assume the worst, to feel hopeless, to be isolated. This all sucks, but I am grateful to live now and not fifty years ago.
      Keep being strong, one day at a time.

      Liked by 1 person

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