I’m still doing good. I posted a blog an hour ago talking about how Strattera appears to have lifted my mood.
I’ve trying to get as much done as I can since I feel functional. Just paid a bill, I avoid normally due to them triggering anxiety, I bathed, something I have been forgetting to do because of the apathy (gross, I know), purchased a gift for a friend and did some banking stuff I’d been avoiding.
God. I am sitting at my computer again, so fucking cool. Finally, using this brand new computer that has just sat here for two months.
I’m scared though. I am going to lose this person again, he never stays, he is everything I want to be. Certainly I’ll have another depressing post soon, maybe tomorrow, but I also want to acknowledge this person, this man, this also exists within me.
God, please don’t leave. I wish I could wake up this person. I wish I could be this person always, he is someone capable, someone who isn’t always fighting, sometimes just living.
If I can trap him, if I can keep him here, my life would be worth it.
Current Meds: Lamictal 200mg, Effexor XR 75mg, Seroquel XR 600mg, Gabapentin 300 – 600mg, Strattera 36mg morning & 16mg at 4pm, Caffeine Pill 400mg