Where pills get me

I want to want to do something. 

Apathy. Always. I can make myself do, I just cut the grass and fertilized it, but the desire isn’t there. Nothing, there is nothing I want to do. 

Maybe this is normal and I am used to Adderall powering me through all tasks.

But it feels so blah, so apathetic. This can’t be normal.

It could be mine though. This could be where pills get me and the rest is my responsibility. 

Awful.

——– Updated an hour later

Sitting at a burger joint, I finally wanted to do something, eat. I’m very focused on my diet the last few days, I put on 40lbs in the last year. Before this year I haven’t gained any weight since high school.

But it is so hard to say no when I actually want something. Seroquel is at it’s peak and boom — apathy gone. I want a burger and to play my 3DS (game boy, yes I’m a 30 yr old child).

Oh well, it is nice to want something. So nice.

——— Update to the update, 30 minutes later

Back home, ate and lost interest. Maybe I was just hungry. Although, Seroquel XR always gives me gas as it kicks, yeahhh. So I know it was kicking not in, maybe not enough for staying power.

I’m sick of this shit. Fuck apathy.

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Where pills get me

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