Better Than Adderall

flowers-and-treesYesterday, disaster. Lowest of low. I’m not capable of killing myself, nor do I desire to. Yesterday confirmed this. So low, yet I want to decorate many Christmas trees with Dan, to take our future children to Disney World, to see our children off to college, to retire and RV around the country together. And I will have all of that.

So, I need to stop giving a fuck. I’m done. My only goal is happiness, period. I am not going to try for a second degree, or to climb the ladder. I like my niche, honestly. I am damn good at it, and so much vacation time to explore life’s other offerings.

Had a bit of anxiety towards the beginning of the day. My response, shut the fuck up head. Sure, had to say it a few times. But, it worked.

Certainly medication helped support this. Yesterday I overcame medication, I held tightly to my anxiety until it overwhelmed any meds. However, when I attempt to go with the flow, I found medication providing a steady current.

Thirty-seven days ago I stopped taking Adderall.

Today is the first day better than Adderall.

Current Meds
Lamictal 200mg
Effexor XR 75mg
Seroquel XR 300mg
Latuda 20mg(tapering off)
Caffeine Pill 400mg

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Better Than Adderall

13 thoughts on “Better Than Adderall

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    I am glad today was better than Adderall. I too have found that medication is a great tool when I go with the flow , and much less useful when I hang on to anxieties

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just wanted to let you know I read your blog today. You can overcome anything you put your head to, which you know! Have u ever tried some come of a yoga? In your own home, or out with a group? *hugs*

    Like

  3. I’m not sure if this will help you but when my anxiety starts to take over, I consciously start humming a ridiculous song. Sometimes it’s the Can-Can, other times it’s Row Row Row Your Boat. What ever song that has a fast tune seems to do the trick. It takes a minute or so for me to shift gears but once I completely focus on the tune, my anxiety fades away. It might come back later and each time I catch, I start humming.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Love this! I will try to just talk myself down, but then I am still thinking about what is causing the anxiety. I’m putting singing and humming into my anxiety toolbox. Thanks for the suggestion.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My current psy meds

    Effexor xr 75 MG
    Effexor xr 150 mg
    Trileptal 300 MG bid
    Seroquel 150 MG
    ECT treatment. Electric shock therapy going to start again next week.

    I’m scared again, but it works to get me out of feeling suicidal or taking overdose. I quit xanax for 2 weeks now. Let me know if I can help

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Robin says:

    I’m new to your blog. Why did you stop the Adderall and why are you on caffeine? I’m curious because I take something like Adderall and I wouldn’t be able to hand my anxiety well without it. Before I went on it I was one big panic attack. Don’t you find the caffeine makes it worse? I’d really like to understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Many people in my family suffer from Bipolar and Manic Depression. It is a hard thing to watch someone deal with and I am sure much harder to go through. However, live your days to the fullest and continue to tell yourself today is better than Adderall. My mother is 61 and has terminal cancer (very unexpected). She is struggling the most with how the Bipolar pushed people out of her life and she feels like a failure. But my message to her and to you and anyone suffering from this, do not ever take others feelings to heart, if someone loves you enough they will understand your disease. They would not walk out or disown you. Celebrate each moment, and the more you can see and believe that “mind over matter” does have some power, the more you will begin to help the change from the inside. Don’t allow the cycle of medication gain control then when you look back on life, you will see the pill to pill journey and not the day to day blessings. I hope that you find the relief you need without all of the side effects and without having to take so many medications. Best of luck.

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