Yesterday, disaster. Lowest of low. I’m not capable of killing myself, nor do I desire to. Yesterday confirmed this. So low, yet I want to decorate many Christmas trees with Dan, to take our future children to Disney World, to see our children off to college, to retire and RV around the country together. And I will have all of that.
So, I need to stop giving a fuck. I’m done. My only goal is happiness, period. I am not going to try for a second degree, or to climb the ladder. I like my niche, honestly. I am damn good at it, and so much vacation time to explore life’s other offerings.
Had a bit of anxiety towards the beginning of the day. My response, shut the fuck up head. Sure, had to say it a few times. But, it worked.
Certainly medication helped support this. Yesterday I overcame medication, I held tightly to my anxiety until it overwhelmed any meds. However, when I attempt to go with the flow, I found medication providing a steady current.
Thirty-seven days ago I stopped taking Adderall.
Today is the first day better than Adderall.
Effexor XR 75mg
Seroquel XR 300mg
Latuda 20mg(tapering off)
Caffeine Pill 400mg