Living from dose to dose

Sad, apathetic, sigh.

Currently laying on my couch working on doing nothing. Just laying in a silent house, my mind refuses to focus on anything. 


Everyday I spend hours, a majority of the day, right there. Waiting and hoping that Seroquel XR will build up and give me a couple hours as a functioning human.

I push back and fight my apathy. Yet it persists. Got out of the house, headed to a coffee shop, apathy came along too. Went on a bit of a walk, apathy came too. Dropped into a store, yep, my friend apathy.

My head always wins. My head is always mean.

Current Meds
Lamictal 200mg
Effexor XR 75mg
Seroquel XR 600mg
Latuda 20mg(tapering off)
Caffeine Pill 400mg

Living from dose to dose

9 thoughts on “Living from dose to dose

  1. Wayne Holmes says:

    I wish I could help you…but then again…maybe not. Some day, somehow, things will change. Either your circumstances, or something within you will begin to change – probably in little subtle increments. Things will change.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Wayne I guess you have Bipolar Depression Disorder too. I’ve been on every med with no luck but then ECT TREATMENT happened and I’m a new person. Something like a miracle occurred and my symptoms are very mild now. However I recently had a drug overdose on xanax and heart stopped. Cpr done and I was intubated in ICU for 5 days. It was a nightmare I say. I was so glad my son found me and called 911. Please read my blogs you might like some insight from my experiences.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bipolar one, real life two. says:

    I hope the Seroquel works for you! It knocked me out as if I hadn’t slept in years. So surprising that it can treat acute depression AND acute mania.

    Good for you for accomplishing all those things (even if you didn’t care about them)! Very impressive and a really good sign that you’re on the way up.

    Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I went through everything you are. And in a way more because the list of available medications was a lot shorter back then. I liken it to trying to get out of a deep narrow hole.I can’t see daylight until I have climbed part way up which makes me exhausted, I fall back down and have to start over. When I get to the top I pull my arms out then try to pull myself up and out. I repeat this exhausting and frustrating process over and over until finally I get it right and I am in the world of “normal”. The pulling up is the medication and your own physical and mental strength. You have it in you, it just takes time and patience. And it will keep happening but you will make it and while the bipolar won’t be gone, I am sure you can say by to the apathy!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bipolar depression is the land I spend most of my time in too. And I explain it to people like this: it’s not sadness, it’s nothingness. Nothing is fun, nothing is exciting, nothing is motivating, nothing is ANYTHING. It’s not the blues, it’s the blahs. And I’m taking a pretty big cocktail of meds too, although props to you for sticking with the antipsychotics. I won’t let me take those any more, even though I think they can be effective. Being depressed is hard enough when your clothes fit, but when I finally muster up enough SOMETHING to leave the house, I can’t deal with having outgrown all my clothes. It sounds like a small thing, but there are no small things in the BD game. ” Just keep swimming”.


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