It is over. Adderall. Over.
Last Tuesday, nine days ago, I had my first psychiatric appointment. Never, never do I lie to doctors.
Last Tuesday, I took 200 mg. In the first few minutes of the appointment, I brought up my addiction.
Hospital? No, I refused. I have never been capable of harming myself. Never. I offered up the pills from my backpack.
Then a lot of “ifs.” If Dan could stay home with me for the next three days, if he would hide all the knifes, if I would do exactly as she asked, if… Yes. Yes. Yes.
A path, I have so long yearned for a path. I knew my location was perilous but I had no idea how to escape.
How has it been? This is my first time sitting up at a computer. That is how.
Wait — that is a lie. I don’t remember posting a week ago. The first few days were easier, before Adderall had completely left my system. Huh. Interesting. The last five were some of the hardest of my life.
Today, today feel different. It has been my first acceptable day since Adderall fully left my body. I am scared of when the next one will be.
But to all you other crazy people out there, all you fighting through every day, good days, even good days post-Adderall, happen.