Wanna see a shit show?

Today has been difficult. Testing out less Adderall, just 60mg. Disaster. Shit show.

I use a Google Form to track meds. Drop down list to pick the pill, place for dosage size, time stamped and sometimes I log my mood, energy, how much I am in my head and focus. Instead of throwing another pity/bitching/pathetic party here — gonna use the back catalog.

Below is my log of the two days before being diagnosed Bipolar. Yeah. Shit show.  

Total of that disaster? Well, 160mg. Oh, and at 10:30pm, when I get giddy, hypomanic. I didn’t know it then but yeah. Drug addict. Fuck. Die.

10 pictureTotal is 127.5. Still, shit show.

Good thing the next day I was diagnosed Bipolar, put on Lamictal and since it has been six-weeks, everything is solved. Now I am going to go drink or imagine the blood stain on my ceiling if I was capable of blowing my brains out.

Fuck me. I probably just do this shit for attention. Fuck. I am not going to fucking kill myself. I just wish so much I had the balls. Fuck.

Happy Tuesday!

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Wanna see a shit show?

One thought on “Wanna see a shit show?

  1. rae veebee says:

    I was recently diagnosed too and went through about a million medicine changes in the past few months (including adderall). That being said, it was personally a major pain in the ass going through and switching things so many times. I was going nuts trying different doses and drugssss arghhhh.

    Anyways, I’ve been working on it since October but I did recently come across a better combination (for now). I know it’s probably annoying to hear, but I wanted to send positive thoughts your way! A few weeks ago I was feeling exactly how you described and I wouldn’t have believed it was possible to feel normal, but it honestly will get better:)

    Liked by 1 person

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