Today has been difficult. Testing out less Adderall, just 60mg. Disaster. Shit show.
I use a Google Form to track meds. Drop down list to pick the pill, place for dosage size, time stamped and sometimes I log my mood, energy, how much I am in my head and focus. Instead of throwing another pity/bitching/pathetic party here — gonna use the back catalog.
Below is my log of the two days before being diagnosed Bipolar. Yeah. Shit show.
Total of that disaster? Well, 160mg. Oh, and at 10:30pm, when I get giddy, hypomanic. I didn’t know it then but yeah. Drug addict. Fuck. Die.
Total is 127.5. Still, shit show.
Good thing the next day I was diagnosed Bipolar, put on Lamictal and since it has been six-weeks, everything is solved. Now I am going to go drink or imagine the blood stain on my ceiling if I was capable of blowing my brains out.
Fuck me. I probably just do this shit for attention. Fuck. I am not going to fucking kill myself. I just wish so much I had the balls. Fuck.