I am back, aka the sadness

Over the last hour or so worry started to creep into my brain. I’m not imaging this.

The difference is unreal. It is small at first, just more sitting on “my plate” right now. But it gets unbearable as time goes on. Tomorrow, I’ll build up more to feel anxious about, unless the meds work. It hits a point where I collapse, stop functioning for a few hours and beat over my head all my sort-comings. Then I focus in on the solution. Fucking kill yourself. Then an hour or day or week follows where I am beaten. Dead. Just going through motions and wishing I was dead.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Took 50mg of Lamictal roughly 12 hours ago. Looks like I’m on my own now. Shit.

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I am back, aka the sadness

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